Another Year Gone…

Another Year Gone…

It has been a little while since I posted on here but I wanted to pop up just to say Happy New Year’s to you all. Despite my written silence, I have been thinking a lot about the world and this life we can only continue to endure… and despite all the shit that has coloured our daily lives over the last 600 days, I am so happy that time continues to push us forwards even if sometimes we struggle to.

I am not feeling entirely optimistic in this moment, but I am definitely hear, alive and somewhat well, ready to get winded by whatever 2022 has to offer. I have heard some people say that “we are out of covid” and I don’t quite see that. I still feel separated from my peers as no matter how hard I try; my present actions are still heavily dictated by the case numbers that are updated every day. 

I can’t say I am quite in the same level of celebration as I have been in the past

After a year and a half out of work, in September I finally found myself in a dance studio putting on my ballet shoes, getting ready to teach again. And what I thought was a relaxing Christmas holiday, has only given me more anxiety and doubt about whether or not it is safe for me to go back to work. But even within that, I look back to my new memories of the last 6 months and for a second, I feel like myself again. And I hate the idea of having to possibly give it up. 

What I am trying to say is that, if you are a realist and walking into this new year with doubt and fear, I think that is okay. There is too much publicity around new years and the need to be happy and excited for this next turning-point. It’s okay to look forward to the next year without blindfolding yourself to all the horrors that still exist and the baggage that you inevitably carry with you into the new era.

Because whatever is said, the new year doesn’t make you forget the past one and it isn’t immune to the harsher realities of our present power dynamics. So, there is no need to glorify that one night in the year or turn it into this moment of epic-ness that you will theoretically remember forever. 

It’s just a day on our calendars.

I was happy to spend my new years with my loving partner and the sound of my purring cats in the background with a glass of champagne to make us giggle a little more. I am happy, still covid-19 negative, hopeful for the possibilities of life and really happy to have the opportunity to come on here and talk to someone or no one as my little release. 

I am grateful for all of that.

And I am happy for whatever you did that put a smile on your face last night and today. 

as long as it wasn’t clubbing with 500 other strangers because come on… have you seen the number of cases… literally basically everywhere…

I’m being positive but I’m still me…

Anyway, happy turning point or happy 31st of December if you don’t give a shit and are probably right to do so.

I don’t like New Year’s resolution because I always forget mine by January 7th. So, I usually just make a wish. Something low stakes! Whatever you hope to be surprised with in 2022.

Do you have a wish for this year?

I am hoping to have to cook less meals at home. I miss restaurants.

Let me know if you have a wish for 2022.

Ballistic xx

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A Lil’ Introduction

A Lil’ Introduction

Monday 18th May 2020

Hi. Welcome! And thank you for taking the time to read this!

Whether you’re reading this because you’re with us from the beginning or coming back to it to see where we started, I appreciate it.

I had to think for a while about what I would write here. The first post. Worried I would go off on too many tangents, confuse you and ultimately completely fail to start on the right foot. This is basically my pick up line to you, a reader, so will I be obnoxious? Or sweet and endearing?


Not many people have called me sweet in my life so hopefully there is a first for everything.

so here goes…

Ballistic Mitosis is about freedom of belief.

So what is this blog going to be about?

I want this space to be about liberty of thinking, unrestrained discussion and questioning of the most common and basic things in life. A space for limitless realities.

I had to follow strict rules when it came to growing up and having to take care of myself because of a condition I was born with. In a world where the median shapes action, the individuals who aren’t part of the norm suffer because they are doubted or pushed aside because a medical diploma trumps personal experience.

And that is a really damaging concept.

I had to prove my doctors wrong before I was listened to. And if I didn’t have a mother that trusted me and supported me, I wouldn’t have had the guts to make my own rules.

So, this blog will be my lil’ adventure to independence in my own body and future. And I still have a lot to discover, so it will also be where I ask my questions, and express my doubts too. If you have answers or opinions, know they are welcome here.

What I’m about…

Right now, let’s say we are talking in label terminology, just to get a bigger sense of who I am through a language of cliches…

It’s only the beginning of the blog so I can develop and destroy these words later on, fear not.

Having said that, I understand that labels are needed for some and especially needed when understanding your own person. Because it guides you to realising how the world will see and interact with you.

But it really should only be used at the beginning of this discovery. Being bound to labels can be what leads you to portray someone else instead of being who you are.

so what are my labels?

woman: truest one. I don’t fight it although I do have unpopular opinion about the label cis woman, which I will unpack another day.

disabled: disagree. I cannot possibly explain how much I despise this label.

feminist: said to me as both an insult and a compliment. This is a very divided label and problematic umbrella term but it is not wrong.

communist: a highly dramatised version of my political beliefs, but not untrue.

bitch: I am less than apologetic about my attitude. Simple.

fiery: also true. I believe in fighting for everyone because we are just one earth and one life. And I believe in fighting with passion and with the heart. Not many people agree on that.

rebel: or purposefully contradictory, stirrer of the pot. Not necessarily untrue, but attributed more because of my truthfulness and simple opposition to follow the status quo instead of what I want.

crazy: a label mainly used in response or defence when the problem rarely was myself. You probably know what I think about this…

tease: a word used by men that didn’t know me, simple strangers. An indication of their assumption of me. But still my label somehow…


I truly hate summing things up, so I think I’m going to stop trying to. This was pretty random and I’m not sure this has helped you understand me more. This blog won’t be about one simple thing, it can be about anything and everything. One day I hope you will even suggest things to discuss that you want to read more about. Or even a place where you could post your story.

The options are limitless.

Hopefully you will want to read more…

Thank you for taking the time to read this until the end…

I hope you read on and join our little bubble and subscribe below!!

speak soon

Ballistic xx

  1. J’aime cette lettre parce qu’elle est pleine de confiance et de force. Elle peut paraître pessimiste lorsqu’on lit “about the…

  2. Great to see a new post again and hope it will continue. That will be a nice change and a…